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Matches made over the Internet often do not last because people end up choosing unsuitable partners and forming emotional bonds before meeting face-to-face, an Australian university researcher has found.
Women were especially susceptible to finding Mr. Wrong, as they tend to be attracted by witty comments or clever emails, said psychologist Matthew Bambling from the Queensland University of Technology.
"You can never assume things are the way they seem online," Bambling said.
"Just because they can write a clever comment or a witty email, doesn't mean they will be Mr. Right, that's for sure," he said, adding some men use the concept of "netting," sending emails to dozens of women and hoping one might respond.
Bambling said you can find a partner online, but warned those using the Web to find love to be aware of the pitfalls.
"There's definitely a disinhibition affect online," he said, with people more likely to exaggerate their good points while hiding anything negative.
"Few guys for example would say 'look, I'm a middle aged alcoholic who's been married five times, pick me'. They're going to present themselves as a good catch."
He said it was easy for people to quickly invest too much emotionally in an online relationship because they don't see the full picture of the person they are emailing.
Bambling said people can avoid many of the problems by meeting early in the virtual relationship, rather than by getting to know each other only by email.
He suggests couples arrange to meet over coffee after a few emails, which will help people from building up a fantasy image of their match.
"The main thing to remember is to make real life contact as soon as possible if you are interested in someone, because then you will know if a relationship is a possibility," he said.
澳大利亞一所大學(xué)的研究人員發(fā)現(xiàn)，“網(wǎng)戀”往往不長久。因?yàn)榫W(wǎng)戀的人最終發(fā)現(xiàn)自己原來選錯了對象，或是還沒見面就產(chǎn)生了感情。
昆士蘭科技大學(xué)的心理學(xué)家馬修•班布林說，女性尤其容易找錯對象，因?yàn)樗齻兏菀妆粚Ψ綆拙浜寐牭脑捇驇追馕淖謨?yōu)美的電子郵件所打動。
班布林說：“你永遠(yuǎn)不能把網(wǎng)絡(luò)等同于現(xiàn)實(shí)。”
“你不能僅憑一兩句好聽的話或一封幽默風(fēng)趣的電子郵件斷定他就是你理想中的男人，這是一定的”。他還說，一些男士采用“廣撒網(wǎng)”的方法，給很多女士發(fā)郵件，希望至少能“逮著”一個。
班布林說，你可以在網(wǎng)上找伴，但他警告說，想在網(wǎng)上尋找愛情的人要小心上當(dāng)受騙。
他說：“網(wǎng)絡(luò)具有‘去抑制效應(yīng)’”，人們在網(wǎng)上傾向于夸大自己的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，掩飾自己的缺點(diǎn)。
“沒有人會說，‘我是個結(jié)過五次婚的中年酒鬼，考慮考慮我吧。’他們往往會表現(xiàn)得很好。”
班布林說，人們?nèi)菀缀芸煜萑脒@種網(wǎng)絡(luò)情感，因?yàn)樗麄儾⒉煌耆私馀c自己僅有郵件來往的那個人。
班布林說，對于這種虛擬的網(wǎng)絡(luò)關(guān)系，人們可以通過早見面來避免很多問題，而不僅僅是通過發(fā)幾封郵件來了解對方。
他建議，雙方可以在互通幾封郵件后一起喝杯咖啡、見見面，這樣大家就不會對彼此的關(guān)系存有太多幻想。
他說：“一定要記住，如果你對對方有意思，就應(yīng)該盡早見面接觸，這樣你才能知道你們有沒有繼續(xù)發(fā)展的可能。”
