Where I see people waste the most amount of time, where they reduce their productivity and efficiency and ultimately their happiness is from vacillating between just two words: “Yes” or “No.”

Often people say “Yes” when they mean “No” or “No” when they should say “Yes.”

“Yes” and “No” are a negotiation of another person’s request.

Both words a very powerful and have direct impact on your well-being. Each word has to be used wisely, judiciously, and with grace, with your inner-harmony in mind.

When people get stuck in waging the battle between the two heads of “Yes” and “No” I am reminded of the “Pushme-Pullyu” the two-headed animal from the classic children’s book “The Story of Dr. Dolittle” by Hugh Lofting.

The Pushme-Pullyu animal was always heading in the opposite direction at the same time, because he had one head on one end of his body and another head on the opposite end of his body.

Are you a Pushme-Pullyu?

When you say “Yes” or you say “No” do you really mean it?

It is crucial to avoid being a Pushme-Pullyu, because a state of unnecessary indecision lowers your vibration-rate, and it drains away your personal power rather than strengthening it.

There is a tendency in Pushme-Pullyu people that when they do make a decision they are then riddled with self-doubt afterwards.

To make a decision quickly and not vacillate or second guess oneself is a critical life-skill.

It is especially important with the acceleration of the world around us today, fast decisions are asked of us minute-by-minute.

A person who is not a Pushme-Pullyu, can take full advantage when “opportunity knocks” because they make a self-assured decision quickly without vacillating. Therefore they do not waste their precious energy with worry and they also do not avoid making a decision by not saying either a “Yes” or “No.”

They do not hide from life, they live life.

It is also important to foster this enlightened habit because when you say “Yes” or “No” and come from clarity and discernment this enables you to rid yourself of needless guilt and feelings of conflict, so you can live a richer, more fulfilling life, it sets you free.

The Secret to “Yes” and “No”:

The power behind “Yes” and “No” is when you state them truthfully. As a result, not only is your relationship to yourself better, so is your relationship to others.

This is applying the art of simplification—making your relationship to yourself and others more pure, more real, and always from a place of love.

After all, “Truth” is simplification at its core.

We say “Yes” or “No” almost every minute of our life, what kind of person is the lack of doing this truthfully making you?

This is the exact moment when you are probably saying out loud “No Mara, that can’t be! People don’t like it when I say “No.” If I say “No” people are mad at me. How could what you are saying make my relationships better, it would make them worse.”

So here is my reply, here is the secret: When you take care of yourself, your relationships work.

What I mean by this, is that if you don’t honor what is in your well-being, and come from a place of trying to people-please in order to gain approval from someone else, or to try to make them like or love you more, by giving them the “Yes” they want by saying yes when you need to say no, it always backfires.

Think back on a time when you did this, you know now that it backfired. Not only did your relationship to yourself suffer, ultimately your relationship to the other person did too, because in some way you probably withheld a “Yes” to them afterwards. And I don’t mean a verbal “Yes” this time, I mean the “Yes” of opening your heart to them.

When we say “No” in our hearts it closes our energetic reach toward another person, typically this is fostered by resentment. Often we think of saying “No” to another person as taking away from them, but in actuality when you take care of yourself your relationships work, and your “No” becomes a “Yes”—a “Yes” to you. And this action ultimately gives back to the other person also.

And know that “No” can be said with grace. Because when you do, you gain respect from another person and you are still viewed as generous and kind. They understand you are exhibiting self-care.

When you don’t take care of yourself and honor your own needs and boundaries your relationships with yourself and others suffer. It just doesn’t work in life to come from a place of people-pleasing. And that is typically the prime motivation for a Pushme-Pullyu person to say “Yes” when they need to say “No”.

Choosing Between the Two Heads of “Yes” and “No”:

You have choice. “Choice” is a privilege and to harness choice empowers us. You have the freedom to choose and the freedom to change your mind.

In terms of productivity, how you deal with this choice dictates whether or not you waste your time and the time of another person or people.

Once you “spend” your time or other people’s time, that time is gone, that time cannot be replaced.

So use your power of choice to say “Yes” or “No” when you mean it.

About The Author: Mara Rogers’ Secrets for Money blog brings you tips to make more money, save more money, and manage your money.

 我看到人們浪費時間最多的地方，也是他們降低生產(chǎn)率和效率的地方，而且最終他們的幸福也會在“是”與“不是”之間徘徊。

這些人常常在意圖說“不是”的時候卻說“是”，而意圖說“是”的時候卻說“不是”。

“是”與“不是”是另外一個請求之下的協(xié)商。

兩個詞都很力量而且對您的幸福有直接的影響。每個詞都需要聰明地、明智地使用，而且要優(yōu)雅地內(nèi)心充滿和諧地使用。

當人們陷入“是”與“不是”兩難之爭且難分難解時，我會受到胡•洛夫汀的經(jīng)典兒童小說《多林特醫(yī)生的故事》一書中那頭雙頭奇獸“推我－拉你”的提醒。

那頭雙頭奇獸“推我－拉你”總是在同一個時間往相反的方向前進，因為他身體兩端都各自有一個腦袋。

您也是一個“推我－拉你”型的人嗎？

當您說“是”或是“不是”的時候，您真正要表達的意思是什么呢？

要避免自己成為 “推我－拉你”型的人，這一點是非常重要的，因為處于不必要的優(yōu)柔寡斷的狀態(tài)中會降低您的工作效率，而且它會使您的個人力量得到削弱而不是加強。

對于那些“推我－拉你”型的人有一種傾向，就是當他們在做某個決定的時候，他們往往缺少自信。

快速地做決定并對自己充滿信心是一項很重要的人生技巧。特別是在我們當今所處的社會日新月異的時代，這種技能顯得尤其重要，我們會面臨分分秒秒地需要快速做決定的要求。

不是“推我－拉你”型的人能夠在“機會來敲門”的時候充分抓住這種機會，因為他們會毫不猶豫地快速做出自信的決定。因此，他們不會浪費寶貴的精力用來擔心這擔心那，而且他們在做決定的時候要么說“是”要么說“不是”。

他們不會逃避生活，他們熱愛生活。

養(yǎng)成這種好習慣也是非常重要的，因為當您說“是”或者說“不是”的時候，首先您的思路必須非常清晰而且反應敏捷，這會使您遠離無謂的內(nèi)疚和內(nèi)心的自我矛盾感，這樣您就可以生活得更加充實和自在。

“是”與“不是”的秘密：

“是”與“不是”背后的力量在于您真實地陳述它們的時候。它不僅僅能夠促進您和內(nèi)心自我的關系，還能改善您和他人的關系。

這需要運用單純化的藝術----讓您和內(nèi)在自我之間以及您和他人之間的關系更加純粹、更加真實，而且始終包含著愛。總之，“真實”的核心就在于單純化。

我們的生活中幾乎每一分鐘都會說“是”或“不是”，哪些人無需這么做卻可以真實地展示自己？

此時，您或許會大聲說，“不，馬拉，那是不可能的！人們不會喜歡聽到我說‘不是’的。如果我說了‘不’的話，他們一定會對我生氣的。怎么可能如您所說的這樣會改善我與他人的關系呢，反而會惡化我和他們之間的關系哦。”

那么，我的回答是，這樣做是有秘訣的：當您照顧您自己的時候，您的關系就開始起作用了。

我指的意思是，如果您對自己的幸福不在意的話，那您或許會為了獲得他人的認同、或是試圖讓別人更加喜歡您，而在他人希望您說“是”可您內(nèi)心卻需要說“不是”的時候回答對方說了“是”，您想要取悅對方，而這樣做往往會適得其反。

回想一下當您這么做的時候，得到的結果是事與愿違的。不僅僅是您和內(nèi)在自我的關系受到傷害，最終連您和其他人的關系也受到了影響，因為您很有可能以某種方式向他們隱瞞了“是”，在這里我并不是指動詞的“是”，我所指的“是”，是您已經(jīng)向他們打開了心門。

當我們內(nèi)心說“不是”的時候，它就會向?qū)Ψ疥P閉我們內(nèi)心的能量，非常典型的就是憤恨滋生出來的。通常當我們對其他人考慮說“不是”的時候意味著要遠離那些人，而現(xiàn)實中當您照顧到您自己的各種關系時，您的“不是”就變成了“是”----對于您自己“是”，而這樣的行為最終會回饋到您和其他人相處的關系中去。

了解“不是”也可以說得讓人接受。因為當您這么做的時候，您可以贏得別人對您的尊重，您仍然會被認為是寬宏大量的、善良的。他們理解您對自我的照顧。

當您不會照顧自己、不在乎您自己的需求和界限時，您和自我的關系以及您和他人的關系就會受到影響。當您刻意取悅他人時您的生活品質(zhì)會受到影響。而且這也是“推我－拉你”型的人明明需要說“不是”的時候卻說“是”的最主要的動機。

“推我－拉你”型的人在兩個頭當中進行選擇：

您可以選擇。“選擇”是一種特權，我們可以充分地利用它。您擁有選擇的自由以及改變主意的自由。

就效率方面，您如何進行選擇意味著您是否會浪費自己的時間以及他人的時間I。

一旦您“花”了自己的時間或是別人的時間，這個時間就一去不復返了。

因此當您意圖說“是”或“不是”的時候，運用您的選擇的力量。

有關作者：馬拉·羅杰斯的《錢的秘密》這一博客會給您提示讓您賺更多的錢、存更多的錢、以及管理您的錢財。