Listening to people is a fine art that needs to practiced. If you are like most people, then chances are you often interrupt others while they are still talking. In your defense, you could say that a long-winded, one-sided conversation is the quickest turn off ever, and while this might be true, it just shows basic respect for the other person when we are prepared to listen to them without consistently interrupting their speech.
A typical example is Larry King. I've been watching a lot of Larry lately after the Michael Jackson fiasco and noticed he always interrupts his guests. I find this very rude. I do realize that he probably has to stick to some fast-paced schedule, but still, his abrupt interruptions are not really cool, nor are they professional.
As it stands though, none of us ever likes to be interrupted anyway. If it does happen, we tend to feel ignored, overlooked and unappreciated. So how can we still get our message across while becoming a better listener in the process? If you like to try this yourself, then please read on:
*Take turns
Failed discussions are almost always interpersonal related. It is during the process of screaming at the kids or arguing with our partner when we fail to listen to what the other party has to say.To help navigate the mental minefield in such a situation it helps to give each person/party its own turn where they can speak for a minute or two, telling what's on their minds while you listen. After their time is up, it's your turn to speak. It works!With a bit of training and a willingness from both sides to give this a fair go you will actually resolve matters a lot faster because instead of trying to out-shout one another to get heard, everyone can have their say in relative peace, allowing easier conflict solving.
*Remove your prejudice
How often do we shut off to another person's message just because we don't agree with them? We do it all the time. Since we are human, we all have our own opinion on things. That's perfectly fine. But you know as well as I do that everything has two sides. Remember, yin and yang, good and bad, right and wrong!By removing our prejudice to actually listen to what the other person has to say we remove self-imposed brain blockages and open ourselves up for proper communication with the other party. You should try it, because you might be surprised what you learn during the process.
*Practice eye contact
A discussion without eye contact is like a body without a soul. Something lacks - a personal touch. If you are guilty of shutting off to other people's talk, could it be because you don't make eye contact with them while talking to one another?Granted, this is hard to do when speaking on the phone, but the next tip might help you in those situations.Practice eye contact when you speak with someone the next time. Initially it might be hard because many people are actually uncomfortable looking into each other's eyes. However, it will be worth your while because in doing so you establish a new intimacy between the people involved and I'm almost willing to guarantee that this will help to form a better bond between you.
*Show courtesy
To me, courtesy is a life essential. I was brought up to show courtesy to others. This helps when we speak with people on the phone. However, there are situations when you just can't listen to someones rambling any longer. The worst real life situations are call center calls. In that case, firmly tell them you are not interested to hear what else they have to say and if they ignore your plea, then hang up the phone.
*Silence is key
Sometimes, saying nothing says so much more. The messages you tell when you are silent can be read in your body language, so be careful how you hold yourself at the next staff meeting.By being silent and observing what the other person has to say we learn to pick up on their energies and the messages they DON'T speak. This is a great tool if you work with people, because you can gain a deeper insight into their personalities by being a better observer. What are your favorite listening tips? Feel free to share, it's your turn to speak.
聆聽他人是需要不斷練習(xí)的藝術(shù)。如果你和大多數(shù)人一樣,很有可能常常在別人講話的時(shí)候打斷他們。在你看來(lái),一個(gè)冗長(zhǎng)枯燥的、一邊倒的談話是讓人極其厭煩的事,當(dāng)然你說(shuō)的或許沒(méi)錯(cuò),但當(dāng)我們準(zhǔn)備好好聆聽,而不是一味打斷他們講話的時(shí)候,這至少顯示了我們對(duì)他人的基本尊重。
一個(gè)典型的例子是Larry King.Michael Jackson的慘劇發(fā)生后后我看了很多期Larry的節(jié)目,發(fā)覺(jué)他經(jīng)常打斷嘉賓講話。我認(rèn)為這是一種很無(wú)禮的行為。我想可能他的行程很匆忙,即使如此,他唐突的打岔仍是非常不好的,而且非常不專業(yè)。
事實(shí)就是這樣,我們講話的時(shí)候不喜歡被打斷。如果出現(xiàn)了這種情況,我們會(huì)覺(jué)得自己被低估、被忽視了,并且不受到賞識(shí)。因此在成為一個(gè)更好的聆聽者的同時(shí)又該如何傳達(dá)出我們的信息呢?要是你希望做些嘗試,那么請(qǐng)繼續(xù)讀下去:
*輪流說(shuō)話
不成功的談話幾乎都發(fā)生在人與人之間。也正是在對(duì)孩子大喊大叫抑或和合作伙伴爭(zhēng)吵中,我們忘了去聆聽對(duì)方想要說(shuō)的話。輪流說(shuō)話可以幫助你找出在這種情況下精神上的雷區(qū),讓你給對(duì)方一到兩分鐘的時(shí)間說(shuō)出自己的想法。他們說(shuō)完后你再開 始說(shuō)。這確實(shí)很有效。一些訓(xùn)練并且愿意給雙方均等的機(jī)會(huì),你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)很多事一會(huì)兒就解決了。因?yàn)樽屓嗽谙鄬?duì)和諧的環(huán)境下說(shuō)完要說(shuō)的話,而非對(duì)著彼此大吵大鬧,更容易讓化解爭(zhēng)端。
*丟掉你的偏見
多少次我們打斷對(duì)方僅僅是因?yàn)楸舜擞^點(diǎn)相左?我們一直都在這么做。因?yàn)槲覀兪侨祟,?duì)事物有自己的觀點(diǎn)。這完全沒(méi) 有問(wèn)題。但你應(yīng)該知道盡管如此,任何事物都具有兩面性。切記,陰和陽(yáng),好和壞,對(duì)和錯(cuò)!
丟掉偏見,認(rèn)認(rèn)真真的去聽對(duì)方想要傳達(dá)的信息,實(shí)際上也是幫我們解除自己強(qiáng)加的思想束縛,并且有助于更好的和他人交流。你不妨試試,因?yàn)槟憧赡軙?huì)驚訝于自己在這個(gè)過(guò)程中的收獲。
*進(jìn)行眼神交流
沒(méi)有眼神交流的談話就像沒(méi)有靈魂的軀體。有一些東西缺失了--更人性化的一面。如果你對(duì)打斷他人說(shuō)話感到慚愧,有沒(méi)有可能是由于你們?cè)谡勗挄r(shí)沒(méi)有眼神交流?的確,在講電話時(shí)這有些困難,但下面一條建議也許對(duì)你在哪些情況下有所幫助。下一次,當(dāng)你和某個(gè)人講話時(shí)別忘了進(jìn)行眼神交流。剛開始也許有點(diǎn)困難,因?yàn)楹芏嗳瞬涣?xí)慣看著別人的眼睛說(shuō)話。但是,這絕對(duì)對(duì)你有好處。因?yàn)檫@么做,可以拉近彼此的距離。我?guī)缀蹩梢钥隙ㄟ@有助于雙方建立更好的關(guān)系。
*對(duì)他人要有禮貌
對(duì)于我來(lái)說(shuō),禮貌是生活中必不可少的東西。我生來(lái)就被教導(dǎo)要對(duì)他人有禮貌。當(dāng)我們講電話是這點(diǎn)很有幫助。然而,有些時(shí)候你就是無(wú)法忍受某人在那滔滔不絕。現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中最糟糕的情況要數(shù)電話服務(wù)中心的電話了吧。既然那樣,堅(jiān)定地告訴他們你對(duì)他們要說(shuō)的任何話都不感興趣;如果他們不聽你的請(qǐng)求,那么就把電話掛了吧。
*沉默是金
有的時(shí)候,什么都不說(shuō)反而更有效。當(dāng)你保持沉默的時(shí)候,可以通過(guò)你的肢體語(yǔ)言知道你想要說(shuō)的話,所以在下次員工大會(huì)上要注意你的姿態(tài)。
保持沉默同時(shí)注意他人說(shuō)的話,我們可以感受到他人的能量并且領(lǐng)悟到那些他們沒(méi)有傳達(dá)的信息。這在你和人工作時(shí)會(huì)很有幫助,因?yàn)橥ㄟ^(guò)更好的聆聽,你可以對(duì)他人的性格有更深的了解。