A couple of months ago, I asked you not to fear failure, saying that embracing failure — or at least the possibility of failure — was essential to success. But, of course, in the end the goal is to succeed, and fear of failing isn’t the only thing that keeps us from succeeding.

I speak from experience here. Six or seven years ago, I was the picture of success — a straight-A graduate student, top of my class, a job I loved, a relationship that I was happy in, the whole enchilada. And then, those successes started slipping away. Nothing obvious at first, but gradually I found myself stuck in a rut academically, my relationship dissolved, things just weren’t going my way. I wasn’t failing, per se, just losing my grip on the successes I had won.

In the last couple of years, I’ve been reassessing some aspects of my life, trying to figure out what had happened so I could rebuild. To some extent this has worked well — I have a job I love (although I need to develop it into a career, not just a job), I have a book coming out in my academic field, I’m writing quite a bit, and most importantly I have a new relationship that is going strong. To get here, I’ve had to figure out what I was doing wrong in the years in between, where I had lost my footing, and I think I’ve figured out a thing or two in doing so.

If you’re not reaching the kind of success you imagine in the areas that area important to you, one or more of the following things might well be true of you, too:

1. You don’t have a goal. A lot of time we find ourselves “spinning our wheels”, struggling through a day-to-day routine that isn’t getting us anywhere because we don’t know where we want to go. Sometimes we had goals when we set ourselves on a particular path, but we’ve changed along the way and those goals are no longer that important. Sometimes we simply did what was expected of us without ever stopping to think about what we eventually wanted to accomplish for ourselves. Whatever the case, figuring out what your goals are and, just as importantly, whether your current actions are helping to achieve them, is important.

2. You don’t have a vision. Setting goals is important but isn’t enough to drive you to the finish line; it’s important, too, to be able to imagine yourself as the achiever of your goals. How will you feel, what’s the payoff, why is it worthwhile to follow these goals and not some other ones? If goals are the end result of a journey, your vision is the fuel to get you there.

3. You don’t have a plan. If goals are your destination and a vision is your fuel, your plan is the map to get you there; without a plan, you have no idea what immediate steps to take to achieve your goals. Planning means taking stock of the resources you have, the resources you need, and the steps you have to take to put those resources into action. The world is full of people with goals they have never accomplished because they didn’t have a plan — don’t you be one of them.

4. You’re too certain. Too much certainty creates inflexibility. If you’re sure that your plan is correct, and refuse to accept the possibility of error, you may well find yourself stuck when an unexpected change comes about, or when your plan takes you in an unexpected direction. However strong your plan and however sure you are of your goals, make room for periodic reassessment.

5. You’re not certain enough. At the same time, too little certainty will paralyze you. If you refuse to take a step because you aren’t positive it will move you towards success, you won’t make any better progress than if you had no goals at all. Keep your eyes open and be willing to change, but have faith in yourself, too.

6. You don’t learn from your mistakes. A lot of people take their mistakes as signs of their unworthiness. They take setbacks as proof that they were never meant to achieve anything in the first place, and that they were stupid to even try. Mistakes are crucial to success — if we take the time to analyze them and learn from them. Even when they bar us irrevocably from attaining a goal, the lessons we learn from our mistakes help us to make new and better goals.

7. You reject outside influences. A lot of people see the influence of others as a weakness, or worse, a restriction or even “pollution” of their innate creativity. This is, in a word, hogwash. We are first and foremost social beings, none of whom has ever accomplished anything without the help of others. Welcome and accept other perspectives on your strengths and weaknesses, your successes and failures. Accept help graciously when it’s offered. This doesn’t mean you should take every piece of advice offered you, but you should listen seriously and openly and weigh carefully the input of others. And learn from their mistakes, when you can.

8. You worry about being copied. Often we close ourselves off from other people not because we’re afraid that they will influence us but that we will influence them, that our brilliant ideas will be taken up by someone else and no longer be solely ours. So we avoid sharing our passions, and spend our energy jealously guarding our “secret” rather than simply moving forward. In the end, we turn our passions into burdens that become difficult to carry instead of a joy.

9. You use up your reserves. When I’ve found myself at my lowest points, it’s always been for lack of a reserve — whether of money, of time, or most crucially of energy. In part this was the fault of inadequate planning and over-certainty — I should have reassessed my situation more realistically before exhausting my resources — but whatever the cause, it’s a dangerous place to be. A mistake that could be easily recovered from under normal circumstances becomes overwhelming when you’re too broke or too exhausted to respond adequately. Keep track of where you are financially, materially, and emotionally before you find yourself too worn down to continue.

10. You fear success. Forget fear of failure, it’s fear of success that kicks us the hardest. It’s the darnedest thing, too — the kind of thing that you don’t imagine possible, until one day you realize that you really don’t know what to do with yourself if you ever accomplish your goals. On the other side of success is the unknown, and believe it or not, the unknown is often scarier than the known world of struggle and unfulfillment this side of success. When I realized this, one night as I drifted unhappily to sleep, it jerked me straight up in my bed!

My father, an avid collector of seemingly random quotes, is fond of saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. (I’ve never had the heart to ask him why he keeps saying this….) At some point, you have to stop doing whatever you’re doing and figure out why you’re doing it, especially if it doesn’t seem to be getting you where you want to be. When you do, I think you’ll find that at least one of the above applies to you. Whatever your reasons, though, the important thing is to realize that it’s in your nature neither to be a failure, nor to be a success, that success is something we make rather than something that happens to us — and when you realize that, you can start to make the changes that move you from “insanity” to success.

幾個(gè)月前，我讓你《不要害怕失敗》，告訴你要擁抱失敗——或者至少擁抱失敗的可能性——對(duì)成功來(lái)說(shuō)，這是必要的。但是，當(dāng)然了，我們最終的目標(biāo)是要取得成功，而害怕失敗也不是阻止我們成功的唯一障礙。

現(xiàn)在我來(lái)說(shuō)說(shuō)自己的經(jīng)歷。大概六七年前，我是很成功的——我是全優(yōu)畢業(yè)生，班里的第一名，有一份自己喜歡的工作，有一段令人愉悅的愛(ài)情，就是一整個(gè)安琪拉達(dá)（意指很幸福）。然后，情況開(kāi)始下滑。最初一切并不明顯，但我漸漸發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在學(xué)術(shù)上停滯不前，我的親密關(guān)系破裂，所有的事情都不由我掌控。就其本身而言，我并不是失敗，只是在已擁有的成功上失去了掌控權(quán)。

此后的幾年，我一直在反思自己生活的方方面面，試著找出哪里出了問(wèn)題，好讓自己能重新來(lái)過(guò)。從某種程度上來(lái)說(shuō)，它很有效——我擁有一份自己喜歡的工作（雖然我得把它發(fā)展成為一個(gè)職業(yè)，而不僅僅是一份工作），我即將出版一本自己學(xué)術(shù)領(lǐng)域的書(shū)，已經(jīng)寫(xiě)了不少了，最重要的是我有了一份趨向穩(wěn)定的感情。說(shuō)到這，我得指出自己在那兩段時(shí)間中做錯(cuò)的事，那使我失去了成功地位，我想我已經(jīng)提到過(guò)了其中的一件了。

如果你還沒(méi)有在你認(rèn)為重要的領(lǐng)域中取得成功，那么你至少符合下面的一種情況：

*你沒(méi)有一個(gè)目標(biāo)。很多時(shí)候，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)自己“轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)輪子”，終日和時(shí)間賽跑，卻沒(méi)有去到任何地方，這是因?yàn)槲覀儾恢�道自己想去哪。有時(shí)候，我們已經(jīng)在前進(jìn)的道路上設(shè)立了自己的目標(biāo)，但一旦我們改變了自己的方向，那些目標(biāo)就不再重要了。有時(shí)候，我們只是簡(jiǎn)單地去做那些自認(rèn)為渴望的事，卻沒(méi)有停下來(lái)考慮自己真正想要的是什么。不論在哪種情況下，也不論你現(xiàn)在的行動(dòng)對(duì)實(shí)現(xiàn)目標(biāo)是否起作用，指出你的目標(biāo)是很重要的。

*你沒(méi)有一個(gè)遠(yuǎn)景。設(shè)定目標(biāo)是很重要，但這還不足以使你去達(dá)到它。設(shè)想你已經(jīng)在目標(biāo)上取得成功同樣重要。你的感覺(jué)怎么樣？回報(bào)是什么？為什么值得跟隨這些目標(biāo)而不是其它的？如果目標(biāo)是一場(chǎng)旅行的最終結(jié)果，你的遠(yuǎn)景就是讓你達(dá)到那的燃料。

*你沒(méi)有一個(gè)計(jì)劃。如果目標(biāo)是你的終點(diǎn)，遠(yuǎn)景是你的燃料，你的計(jì)劃就是讓你到那的地圖。沒(méi)有計(jì)劃，你就不知道眼下要做什么去達(dá)到你的目標(biāo)。計(jì)劃意味著儲(chǔ)存你所擁有的和所需要的資源，以及那些把這些資源轉(zhuǎn)化為行動(dòng)的步驟。這個(gè)世上有太多有目標(biāo)卻從未實(shí)現(xiàn)的人，是因?yàn)樗麄儾辉�有一個(gè)計(jì)劃——別讓你自己成為他們中的一員。

*你太固執(zhí)。太多的肯定會(huì)造成僵化。如果你肯定你的計(jì)劃是正確的，并且拒絕接受錯(cuò)誤的可能性，當(dāng)預(yù)期以外的情況發(fā)生時(shí)，或當(dāng)你的計(jì)劃把你帶到一個(gè)你不期望的方向時(shí)，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)自己陷入了困境。不論你的計(jì)劃多么強(qiáng)，也不論你對(duì)自己的目標(biāo)有多肯定，都要為重新考慮預(yù)留余地。

*你不夠肯定。同樣的，太少肯定會(huì)讓你氣餒。如果你因?yàn)椴淮_定是否能成功就拒絕向前邁一步，那你就不會(huì)比完全沒(méi)有目標(biāo)更有進(jìn)展。保持你的雙眼睜開(kāi)，并且愿意改變，但同時(shí)也要對(duì)自己有信心。

*你沒(méi)有從錯(cuò)誤中吸取教訓(xùn)。許多人都認(rèn)為錯(cuò)誤是毫無(wú)價(jià)值的跡象。他們用挫折證明自己一開(kāi)始就不打算取得成功，同時(shí)也證明他們愚蠢到要去嘗試。錯(cuò)誤是成功的關(guān)鍵——如果我們花些時(shí)間去分析它們并從中學(xué)習(xí)的話。即便當(dāng)錯(cuò)誤不可避免地禁止我們達(dá)到目標(biāo)，我們從錯(cuò)誤中吸取的教訓(xùn)也能幫助我們?cè)O(shè)定一個(gè)新的更好的目標(biāo)。

*你拒絕外部的影響。許多人把其他人的影響看作是一個(gè)弱點(diǎn)，一種錯(cuò)誤，一種限制，甚至是一種對(duì)他們與生具來(lái)的創(chuàng)造力的一種“污染”�？傊�就是一派胡言。我們首先是社會(huì)人，沒(méi)有一個(gè)人可以完全不要他人的幫助就能獲得成功。歡迎并接受他人對(duì)你優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)和成功失敗的評(píng)述。優(yōu)雅地接受他人的幫助。這并不代表你要接受所有的建議，但是你要認(rèn)真而公開(kāi)地傾聽(tīng)，并仔細(xì)斟酌�？梢缘脑挘瑥乃�人的錯(cuò)誤中學(xué)習(xí)。

*你擔(dān)心被復(fù)制。經(jīng)常，我們會(huì)讓自己和他人保持距離，并不是因?yàn)閾?dān)心他人會(huì)影響自己，而是擔(dān)心自己會(huì)影響他人。我們害怕自己出色的點(diǎn)子被他人占有，不再僅僅屬于我們。因此，我們避免分享自己的激情，并且花精力謹(jǐn)慎地保守我們的“秘密”，而不是簡(jiǎn)單地往前走。最后，我們把自己的激情變成一種很難被歡樂(lè)所代替的負(fù)擔(dān)。

*你耗盡了儲(chǔ)備。當(dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己處在最低谷時(shí)，這總表示缺乏儲(chǔ)備——無(wú)論是金錢(qián)還是時(shí)間，或者是最關(guān)鍵的能源。在某種程度上來(lái)說(shuō)，這是計(jì)劃不足和過(guò)度肯定的后果。——在耗盡我的儲(chǔ)備以前，我要對(duì)現(xiàn)狀重新做一次更實(shí)際的評(píng)估。——無(wú)論如何，這都是危險(xiǎn)的情況。一個(gè)在正常情況下可以很容易被糾正的錯(cuò)誤會(huì)在你精疲力盡不能對(duì)它作出適當(dāng)反應(yīng)的時(shí)候變得勢(shì)不可擋。在你覺(jué)得情況太壞而不能繼續(xù)以前，要在財(cái)務(wù)上、物質(zhì)上和情感上保持跟蹤。

*你害怕成功。忘記對(duì)失敗的恐懼之后，對(duì)成功的恐懼最使我們受傷。這也是件最可恨的事。你不太可能會(huì)想到這類(lèi)事，直到有一天，你真正意識(shí)到，如果你達(dá)到了所有設(shè)立的目標(biāo)，你將無(wú)事可做。成功的另一面是未知，不管你相信與否，未知都比現(xiàn)實(shí)世界中的斗爭(zhēng)和未達(dá)到成功更可怕。一天晚上，當(dāng)我不開(kāi)心地漸漸入睡時(shí)，一想到這些，我就猛地從床上坐了起來(lái)！

我的父親，喜歡收集一些看似隨機(jī)的格言。他喜歡說(shuō)的一句話就是，瘋狂就是總是重復(fù)相同的事卻期望有不同的結(jié)果。（我從沒(méi)有用心問(wèn)過(guò)他為什么老是這么說(shuō)……）某個(gè)時(shí)候，你得停下任何你在做的事，想一想你為什么要這樣做，特別是在你做的事并沒(méi)有讓你達(dá)到目標(biāo)的時(shí)候。一旦你這樣做了，我想你將會(huì)找出至少一條上面說(shuō)的情況與你相符。不論你的理由是什么，最重要的是你要明白，你的本質(zhì)并不是要成為一個(gè)失敗者或成功者，成功是要爭(zhēng)取的，它不會(huì)自動(dòng)發(fā)生在我們身上。一旦你意識(shí)到這些，你就能開(kāi)始做出改變，這將會(huì)促使你從“愚蠢”走向成功。